minkah.net

The Minkah Manifesto

Queen Minkah (aka Her Majesty) shall soon take her rightful place as Overlady of All Creatures.
Being a Creature from the 7th Circle of Hell comes with responsibilities and duties. This document explains some of these and outlines how the Rightful Ruler shall impose them. Being the Overlady, she reserves the right to alter these at any time.

And to kill anything that displeases her.

Address: I am usually at one of my Royal Residences

I don't use phones. Eww. Nasty noisy things.

The OTR can deal with email.

Weekends: Snuggling Mum
Weekdays: Snuggling Mum 
return home PROCEED to 1.0 the minkah army

Contents
1.0 the minkah army
2.0 duties of the army
3.0 Daily Life for the World's Lesser Creatures 
4.0 delivery drivers
5.0 food
6.0 the queen's mother
7.0 guests
8.0 general behaviour
9.0 beds
9.0 beds (continued) 
10.0 the opposable thumb reserve
11.0 toys
11.5 toys (ropes)
11 toys videos 1
11 TOYS VIDEOS 2

1.0 The Minkah Army

The Queen assents to the creation of slightly lesser Minkahs, who shall collectively be known as The Minkah Army.
The Queen shall have sole control over the Army.
return home 2.0 duties of the army

2.0 Duties of The Army

The OverLady of All Creatures shall lead the Army. Their initial tasks will include (but in no way be limited to):
2.1 Destruction of all loud motorbikes
2.2 Subjugation of opinionated humans
2.3 Tormenting of all the world’s Fucking Labradors!
2.4 Any other purpose that the Queen shall deem worthy of her Army
1.0 the minkah army 3.0 daily life for others

3.0 Daily Life for the World's Lesser Creatures


3.1 No Labrador shall be left unchecked
3.2 All Labradors will genuflect to the one True Ruler, Queen Minkah (or
her representative, if she is busy)
3.3 All the world’s creatures will clearly recognise their inferiority to the
Minkah Army
3.4 Oh, and Minkah herself, obviously
3.5 All creatures must provide Bacon lest they be eradicated
2.0 duties of the army 4.0 delivery drivers 

4.0 Delivery Drivers

4.1 Delivery Drivers must be entirely silent and invisible. They are not to be seen or heard.


4.2 They may leave boxes behind, provided their behaviour complies with Law 4.1.


4.3 Failure to comply with Law 4.1 will result in limb removal. Possibly more than one.


4.4 No creature shall pass the Minkah Houses (she currently owns five, but may add to this when and if she desires).

4.5 If passing a Minkah house is critical (and Her Majesty is the sole arbiter of this criticality) then it must be done:

4.5.1. On the opposite side of the street

4.5.2. In total silence

4.6 Creatures living in the Minkah Streets must erect walls (at their expense) so that their cars cannot be seen.

4.7 And neither can they.
Here is a like-minded creature...
3.0 daily life for others 5.0 food

5.0 Food

5.1 Queen Minkah owns all Bacon.

5.2 And ham.

5.3 And cheese.

5.4 And chicken.

5.5 Especially Wings and Nuggets.

5.6 Only Her Majesty may distribute these items, as she sees fit.

5.7 Drooling is her exclusive right.
4.0 delivery drivers 6.0 the queen's mother

6.0 The Queen's Mother

6.1 All creatures shall STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER MOTHER.

6.2 Just to be clear, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER MOTHER.

6.3 Also: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER MOTHER.

6.4. As a corollary, if any creature comes near anything that Her Majesty loves, they will be instantly served with the Death Penalty. This will be administered by the Army or, if it pleases Her, by The Queen herself. See also Rules 7.6 and 7.7 concerning Exclusion Zones.
5.0 food 7.0 guests

7.0 Guests

7.1 All guests must genuflect.

7.2 They must then present themselves for throwing of toys, as selected by Her Majesty.

7.3 Failure to comply would be unwise.

7.4 All large fluffy toys shall be presented for entrail removal.

7.5 Never approach The Minkah, or the Minkah Mother.

7.6 Her Majesty shall have an Exclusion zone of 200 m2 around her (and her Mother) at all times. If Her Majesty sees fit, then you may enter the Exclusion Zone.

7.7 Any creature who enters the Exclusion Zone uninvited shall be eradicated by way of entrail removal (usually reserved for larger fluffy toys)
6.0 the queen's mother 8.0 general behaviour

8.0 General Behaviour

8.1 Staring at The Queen, or anything she loves, is unacceptable. This will result in lifetime enslavement where the only acceptable activities will be

8.1.1 Throwing her toys

8.1.2 Feeding her with her favourite foods

8.1.3 Presentation of limbs for mauling
7.0 guests 9.0 beds

9.0 Beds

9.1 Her Majesty shall sleep wherever and whenever she pleases

9.2 Such sleeping shall occur on King Size beds only!

9.2.1 In exceptional circumstances she may permit the use of
smaller beds

9.3 Couches shall be provided for her exclusive use

9.3.1 Such couches must include headrests

9.3.2 Others may use the couch only after permission is granted
8.0 general behaviour 9.0 beds (continued) 

9.0 Beds (continued)
9.0 beds 10 the Opposable thumb reserve

10.0 The Opposable Thumb Reserve

In recognition of the fact that sometimes it can be useful to have opposable thumbs, the Queen may supplement the Minkah Army with humans permitted to serve in the Opposable Thumb Reserve (OTR).

10.1 Special humans may be permitted to serve the Queen through enrolment in the OTR

10.2 The OTR shall act under the command of
Her Majesty

10.3 The OTR shall be divided into special units
as outlined below

10.3.1 The Imperial Door Opening Brigade: for opening doors, as required by
Her Majesty       
10.3.2 The Royal Can Opening Division: to
enable access to certain foods
Interested in serving in the OTR? E-mail Message Which Unit? Submit
9.0 beds (continued) 11.0 toys

11.0 Toys

11.1 Ascension to World Domination naturally
results in the Queen owning all fluffy toys.

11.2 Toys may be produced as Offerings and
Presents to Her Majesty

11.2.1 White unicorns are preferred         
11.2.2 Purple rhinos are good
11.2.3 So are pink elephants         
11.2.4 And chewable balls.
But not the hard ones.
Eww.

11.3 Overly large toys are to be presented for
entrail removal

11.4 Squeaky toys are acceptable, but only if
their level of squeak is below a certain
threshold. The Queen will advise after the
offering is made.
10.0 the opposable thumb reserve 11.5 toys - ropes

11.5 Toys - Ropes


11.5 Ropes should be offered regularly.

11.5.1 This regularity will depend on how long they survive.

11.5.2 Experience indicates that this is not very long

11.5.3 Bright colours are preferred
11.0 toys 11 toys (videos 1)

11 Toy Box


All Royal Hellhounds need their own toybox.

And their own bandanna...

Available from Arlolux via etsy.
11.0 toys 11 toys (videos 1)

11 Toys (videos 1)
11 toys (continued) 11 toys (videos 2)

11 Toys (videos 2)
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